Part of my work is about dispelling the motherhood-is-bliss myth.

It’s about telling the truth about this epic journey – the good, the bad and the ugly. And the other part of my work is, of course, to lift Mamas up so they can navigate the mess and stress in a way that helps them find the calm, the joy in the everyday routine.

Because if we don’t shine a light on the truth of the challenge, we can’t see it for what it is. And if we can’t see it for what it is, we can’t own it and step up to that challenge. Ultimately, we don’t invest in making the most of this motherhood experience. And then we lose out…lose out on the precious moments that one day we will look back on with regret. Barfy regret.

In this week’s blog, I talk about my experience of motherhood…about how hard it was being a stay at home mom and how hard it was being a full time working mom. Both were plagued by different challenges – neither of which I was prepared for.

See, when I became a Mom, motherhood chewed me up, swallowed me whole and then spit me out as an unrecognizable, mad, crazy woman.

In the beginning I didn’t really think much would change, so I kept living at full velocity. High stress became the flavour of the day.

The weight of my responsibility for young lives, my lack of freedom, my ever confused identity, my altered relationship with the man I loved, the isolation from friends and social events that had been such an active part of my life – these drove me to the brink of insanity.

It was the confusion, the exhaustion, the frustration, the resentment, the overwhelm of it all. And the guilt of not getting it right. Oh the guilt!

Today my experience and my research, as well as the hundreds of mothers I’ve coached with tell me that these are all feelings shared by mothers around the world.

The myth. The romantic myth that motherhood is blissful. Click To Tweet

It did not take very long for that myth to come crashing down on my sanity and self-confidence.

When I was a stay-at-home Mom I questioned who I was and I regretted my financial dependence. What of my commitment to feminism and all those working Moms out there?

I missed adults and their rational, reliable world. My brain was melting and my beautiful wardrobe gathering dust.

Worst of all, I hated feeling busy all the time, constantly asking myself: “but what are you actually doing?” I yearned to feel accomplished, to have something, anything, in my realm of control.

So… I went back to work.

It would be better that way. The financial burden would lessen. My mind would be challenged. I’d have adults to talk to. I’d come home happy and fulfilled.

Ideal!

But here’s what actually happened:

Life became a guilt-plagued balancing act. A box ticking repetitive groundhog day. Every day. Rush. Get the kids ready. Get myself ready (sort of). Drop them off. Go to work. Leave work. Pick the kids up. Get the kids down. Finish work. Drop dead for the night. Start all over again.

So as both a stay-at-home Mom and as a working Mom, I was miserable, stressed, overwhelmed and completely disconnected from myself and my family.

And so when baby number three made his appearance he brought along with him a moment of awakening. Maternity leave with baby number three shone a mirror on what I was missing.

My high-strung-hamster-wheel-guilt-plagued lifestyle was getting in the way of the most important moments and relationships in my life.

My reactions to life’s Mom-stress were explosive and my connections with those I loved, unhealthy.

My reactions to life’s Mom-stress were explosive and my connections with those I loved, unhealthy. 

I was missing out on life. 

And my kids were missing out on me.

These were moments I would never get back.

So I stopped. I started to learn to stay calm and enjoy the ride;

I started to relearn motherhood.

Since then I’ve retrained as a professional life coach and have worked with dozens of mothers from around the world to help them do the same – find calm and joyful living.

Because the truth is:

• You know that these moments of motherhood will fly by

• You know if you keep on this same path, you will have regrets (and they suck)

• You know what is most important to you right now.

 

It was THESE TRUTHS that got me to wake up and take ownership of my life as a professional and as a Mom.

Today I can celebrate that I dance that balancing work/ family dance with intention and purpose. How do I do this?

I have developed:: 

  • a strict self-designed soul nourishing regime
  • a prioritized model calendar that ensures that my energy and time are aligned with my values.
  • efficient, effective family management systems
  • strengthened mindfulness and emotional regulation tools and strategies

These four pillars are the foundation that keep life feeling GOOD and me BEING PRESENT in my work and with my family.

These are four pillars you can develop on your own. BUT as a busy Mom suffering from overwhelm, a helping hand will get you where you want to be a lot faster.

If you are ready to step out of FOMOM (fear-of-missing-out-on-motherhood), then apply for the MomTHRIVES 1×1 Coaching Program – I’ve got 4 spaces opening up in March.

xx

Alex

Share
Tweet
Pin
+1
Email
Share