Truth be told.
Today it has been 2 years and 2 days since my mother passed.
It has been 18 months since I launched my first on-line Calm Mom Project.
It has been one month and one week since my husband and I bought our first house.
It has been 44 days since my youngest son turned 7!
It has been 40 days since we saw our family belongings drive away in a container, to be loaded on a ship waiting in port in Baltimore, Maryland (a ship that is currently delayed in Montevideo, Uruguay).
It has been 29 days since we landed in Brazil.
And 11 days since we arrived in our new home.
In 3 days my first born boy will be one decade old, and in 50 days my daughter will become a teenager.
Change. The only constant in life.
A constant I should be used to. We all should.
But I am not used to it and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be. Sometimes I feel like I’m still catching up.
Like I’m in a state of shock, not quite sure what’s going on.
My life has been full of so many unexpected changes.
Parent separation. One University failure. Studies abroad. International romance. A move to Mozambique. Unexpected adoption. A return to the UK. Surprise pregnancies. A move to the U.S. Move after move after move. And then of course, my beloved mother’s passing. And now Brazil.
While I cannot say that all of life’s changes have been managed in smoothly. I can say that they have built resilience. And that each change – large or small – has offered lessons.
Lessons in life.
Perhaps the biggest lesson is my learning how to stay connected throughout it all (most of the time, anyway).
Connected to myself.
And grounded to where I am – in body, in thought, in mind.
Staying connected and true to my feelings throughout all of this has been and continues to be hard. But it has never failed to help me to keep perspective.
To stay whole.
To stay real.
To see clearly.
And, above all, to get to know myself.
And today, as we begin a new phase of life here in Brazil, I see with great clarity
That staying connected through external change is allowing me to open up to inner change.
With each transition – however painful – there is an opportunity to grow and learn.
When we are able to stay connected to our essence, life’s changes invite us to open ourselves inwardly.
And with that openness comes growth and transformation.
There is a lot going on in the skies today to invite personal transformation.
Jennifer Racioppi reminds us that the lunar eclipse in Aquarius invites us to conjure a strong sense of self-respect.
To connect to the core of your truth, and honor our journeys up until now.
To accept our truth with confidence – especially our nonconforming, rebellious side.
It is a time for emptying out, releasing and letting go of the old.
A time of great vulnerability, when much gets exposed in order to be let go of.
And another new Astrologist teacher of mine, Chani Nicholas says:
“Our job is to feel our way through the experience. To bear witness to our process in ways no one else can. To see out the folks that can help us to hold what is too big for us all on our own. To grant ourselves the gift of validation.”
In my relationship with my coaching work I have often made choices
To please you.
You know…so that you liked me.
And so that maybe, eventually, you, or one of your fellow community members would trust me enough to invest in yourself with one of my offerings.
(This is, after all, how my business survives).
But it’s difficult to stay true to yourself while pleasing over 2000 community members.
It has meant that I haven’t always been as open about being as Spiritually-driven or woo woo as I really am.
It has meant that I haven’t always spoken out against the crazy political or parenting practices that I feel may be harmful, for fear of judging or offending the stressed out Mama (or of being judged and offended!).
It has meant that I’ve tried to appear to be more financially successful as an entrepreneur than I am (or this is what it has felt like, anyway).
I have never lied.
But I’ve toned things down.
I’ve sat on the outskirts of my passion, skimming the surface of my soul.
To be accepted.
To appear successful.
But no more.
As of today, I am committing to stand more boldly in my truth.
To validate and embrace who I really am.
You may send me an email telling me that sending Astrological woo woo is ridiculous. Or maybe you’ll simply unsubscribe.
You may even tell your friends that I’m a fraud. But for the first time in forever, I’m ok with that. So I am going to tell you who I really am.
Hi, my name is Alex.
A lot of the time (most?) I don’t know what I’m doing as a wife, a mother, an entrepreneur. I have chosen to teach what I need to learn… I haven’t mastered it but I am getting better.
I’m a hot head Mama some of the time (less often, it’s true) with hot head kiddos and a hot headed husband. And it’s hard. Really hard.
I don’t make a lot of money. I don’t have as many clients as I would like. And while I’ve had loads of positive feedback and great testimonials, sometimes I don’t believe in myself as a coach.
I struggle with each launch, terrified that the little money I invest in growing my email list will not pay off. I’ve made loads of bad business investments. And most of the time I break even.
I often want to stop this whole business thing and just get a job that pays. Why? Because I yearn for financial freedom…but for now it’s my husband who makes the big bucks offering us a gorgeous lifestyle. I hate that. I wish it were me.
And another thing…I’m woo woo. Big time. I believe in the power of the moon, astrology, intuition, essential oils, homeopathy, meditation, psychics, angels, manifestation. Very few people know this about me.
There. The truth.
I am honoured that you read my blog.
That you read my words.
You deserve to know who I really am and I deserve to feel safe enough to tell you. To tell the world.
Sure the vulnerability is scary.
The authenticity doesn’t feel so confident.
But it’s the truth and I’m choosing to trust it.
To trust that I’m ok the way I am.
That my community will grow into one of incredible women who can learn from my experience, and from one another.
To trust that my services will continue to make a difference and that because they do, they will sell.
And that one day, I make a good solid profit that will become my financial freedom.
In the meanwhile, if you don’t like me.
If I feel like a fraud to you.
Or if I am too woo woo for you.
Please let me go. Unsubscribe if you are subscribed.
I’m not offended (anymore).
“We” simply weren’t meant to be.
You will find your coach, mentor, teacher elsewhere. I promise.
And I will find my community.
(The teacher always comes when you are ready. And if the teacher is the right one, you will read her emails and get something – a lot – out of them.)
So with all the kindness in my heart, let’s do ourselves a favor and be honest.
If my truth doesn’t resonate, move on and we will both be living in our truths.
If what I write resonates and you want to stay part of this community, I’m delighted – for you and for me! We will hold each other, grow and celebrate one another together as mothers, as women.
Next week I will write to tell you what all of this will look like in terms of the biz vision and the offerings I have for you.
I haven’t got all the answers yet, but slowly slowly my vision is forming. And I’m excited to share it with you!
For now I sign off with love and in truth – from beautiful Brazil,
P.S. Any Mamas you know who would appreciate being part of a community that wants to manage change with truth and mindful connection? Please share this link with them in an email. And if you want to get more of my juice in your Facebook feed, then click here.