Yesterday morning at the breakfast table (after some quiet contemplation) my daughter says to me:

“Mom, this summer is going to be so fun. It’s going to be the BOMB!”, she says.

My Mama monkey mind what-does-the-day-entail stopped in her tracks. I looked up at my daughter.

Confused? Panicked? What was this strange feeling?

Silence.

I’m not sure what the expression on my face was {deer in headlights, perhaps?} Because she looked at me, and said: “Mom, Mom…are you ok?”

“Oh yeah….I’m so glad you think that.” I said, trying to chipper up in tone and demeanor. And I am. {Glad she thinks that, that is. This is the point, after all. Right?}

Hmmm…

In that moment of monkey-mind interruption, I couldn’t help but finding it so curious that my daughter – who shares a large component of my reality (we live in the same house, after all) could look forward to summer with just honest excitement.

When the summer organizer herself was looking forward to it with more of a sense of foreboding dread!

A summer that the summer organizer had organized so meticulously and with the best of intentions. But of course, this 11 year old summer lover was only going for the ride.

And the summer organizer Mom was driving the train.

In fact, she was not only driving the train. She was cleaning it. Maintaining it. Laying the tracks down for Goddess’ sake!

And in laying the tracks down, this particular summer organizer didn’t consider that she might actually run herself over by the crazy driver.

Go Mom go!?

The thing is…this is what us Moms do. We set up amazing summers for our kids, for our families.

So they get excited. Yay!

But we, on the other hand, don’t feel that joyful anticipation (or at least not wholeheartedly), but rather experience a sense of anxiety and panic.

To be fair, the surprise purchase of a house (we didn’t think it would happen quite so quickly!) added that extra holy shit dimension to it all…

Just so you get a sense of what I’m talking about, let me just tell you what our summer involves:

First there’s the manic June run (sprint?!) into summer which involves end-of-year performances, celebrations including my daughter’s first experience at a 3 day sleep-away school field trip. (Yikes!)

Then the boys go to soccer camp for one week. This is followed by the closing of the purchase of our first house, followed by my transporting my daughter to a 10-day sleep-away camp. The next day my husband gets on a plane with my two boys to visit his family in Barcelona.

I pick my daughter up 10 days later and we fly off to join my husband and the boys ready to embark on a road trip in a small European vehicle across Spain (my idea of hell on Earth, but never mind) for what was presented to us as a critical Family Reunion in the North of Spain (but in fact turns out to be a small and closed family affair which we must now go to because we are the cousins that live abroad, and because my husband’s aunt wants to meet the kids. (No. Comment.)

We drive back to Barcelona in same said car. Then I take the children to Brighton to visit old friends while my husband heads back home. It’s July 25. The kids and I return on July 31st staring into our new home.

So…yeah. Holy shit.

Of course the kids think it’s all awesome. Camp. Grandparents. Spain. Brighton (OMG – they are SO excited!) AND a New House. What isn’t there to be excited about?

Seriously. It’s all good stuff.

Individually. Every one thing is good. {Great actually}.

And from a different perspective (like a kid’s for example), I would be psyched, too. But I’m not.

And this uncomfortable feeling (let’s just call it anxiety) is the sign that something is not quite right. That something is out of alignment. That something needs to shift.

IMG_2669So I’m going to do the coach-y thing and sit with it. And then I’m going to work.

  • I’m going to identify my values and priorities.
  • I’m going to assess where my “to do’s” sit in alignment with these.
  • I’m going to visualize what I WANT my summer to feel like.
  • And I’m going to commit to taking action accordingly.

This may mean defining clear boundaries. It may mean saying NO to a few things, and saying YES to some major self-care

(All glorious lessons coming out of my current Find Balance | Feel Joy blog tour – a real source of inspiration for me!) Sign-up if you haven’t already.

But ultimately what it means is designing and living a summer with intention. Watch this space.

xx

Alex

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