Ok, so if you’ve been following this series, you will now have a few strategies in your toolkit to help you manage those hot head moments, including a great first step in preventing the explosion itself.
Today we are going to dive a bit deeper in understanding some of your personal whys, behind your hothead moment.
(Scroll down to the podcast if you want to plug yourself in and listen rather than read).
Let’s go back a bit…
So we now know 2 things about Momstress and what triggers us during those MOMzilla hot-head moments:
- The brain doesn’t distinguish between psychological and physiological danger, and activates the same bodily response in each case
And in following,
- How we respond to the event that stresses us is not always about the event, but rather about what the event means to us or what meaning we attribute to the event.
This makes sense, of course, because in modern life we get stressed out a lot even though we seldom face immediate life-threatening dangers.
So, what’s going on?
It seems that stress is less about meeting up with this guy:
Than about looking like this crazy animal:
Because today, in our motherly wisdom (?) we believe and tell ourselves that we have to be everything to everyone.
We should dress fashionably.
We should have Angelina Jolie’s body.
We should not be tired.
In fact, we should have enough energy to support a super sex life
In our should-be super happy romantic relationship.
We should parent consciously
Yet with boundaries
Calm, cool and collected.
We should raise clean, polite, clever, curious, kind children
Who go to soccer, piano, swimming, yoga and a plethora of playdates
With their clever, kind and polite friends.
We should forever be growing as professionals
Living our potential
Changing the world for the better.
And needless to say,
We should eat whole and organic
Run a house that is not only safe and tidy
But stylish and color coordinated.
I mean no wonder we are driving ourselves crazy.
And how on Mother Earth did we allow ourselves to get swept up in all of this?
I call it shoulditis.
Oh, and it doesn’t matter what parenting school or political party you sign up to, Mom.
Whether you’re a stay-at-home Mom, a work-at-home Mom, a work-at-work Mom, a granola-live-in-the-country-attachment-parenting Mom or a let-baby-cry-get-down-to-business Mom, you subscribe to shoulds.
Because every school has shoulds.
I should behave like this.
I should look like that.
My kids should do this.
My kids should like that.
My husband shouldn’t do that.
My husband should do this.
My house should look like this.
This meal should’ve tasted different.
Should. Should. Should.
Barf. Barf. Barf.
And so, my post-barf question to you is: What happens to you when your shoulds aren’t met?
Is this a MOMzilla hot-head moment trigger?
Do you freak out?
I’m an open book and you know it.
I freak out, I mean.
So, I’ve had to work on my shoulds a bit..
Let them go.
In order to stop freaking out so much.
Here’s what I did.
I brought those nasty shoulds to light.
With the sun shining down on them, they are more likely to lose their power over you.
(Like a vampire exposed to daylight).
I invite you to do the same.
Bring your shoulds to light using another trick from my toolkit – my shoulditis remedy.
And with them in the light of your consciousness,
Observe how they live in your reactions to life’s little challenges