In a Not So Distant Land (i.e., around the corner) there lived a Mom.
Let’s call her Ana.
Ana loved her children more than anything.
But despite her bursting heart, her days were plagued with a deep sense of sadness and worry as a mother…
Because deep down inside, our dear Ana believed she was failing – failing her children, failing her partner and, worst of all, failing herself.
She was a busy mother and the juggling act of motherhood was stressing her out.
The small stuff was getting to her in ways she’d never imagine.
Spilt milk and messy meals stopped being about, well, spilt milk and messy meals.
They became about her inability to raise tidy and polite children.
Being late for school stopped being about a tardy pink slip.
It became about her inability to raise responsible college bound children.
Dinner-time tantrums stopped being about hunger and fatigue.
They became about her inability to manage motherhood.
With every mistake and slip up she saw herself making as a Mom…with every emotional outburst (her own or her kids’) Ana suffered tremendously.
She’d threaten. She’d blame. She’d shame. She’d yell.
And then she’d feel horrible.
The guilt! The shame.
She started doubting herself as a mother.
And with each hot head moment, the guilt mounted – one brick after another – each and every day on her already burdened shoulders.
With each new guilt brick she would promise herself that she would stop: “I won’t yell again. I can keep it together. I’ll stay calm.”
But she couldn’t.
And she started really hating herself for that.
Each and every evening, by the time bedtime came around, Ana was so emotionally drained that she didn’t feel like snuggles or reading with her little ones.
She wanted time to herself and for the kids to be in bed already. She’d go through the motions and sure, sometimes she was present. But alot of the time, she wasn’t. She wanted her “me time” desperately by then.
But once the kids were in bed, instead of enjoying that “me time”, she’d lie there (with that pile of parenting books next to her) wishing it had been different; wishing that those few moments together with the children had been good moments.
She’d already gone through so many parenting books and even done a couple of the workshops. She’d even seen a therapist for a while, but change wasn’t happening.
And when push came to shove…when that sense of overwhelm and stress took over, she saw red. And that was that.
“I will regret this”, she’d say to herself.
“My poor kids. I’m ruining them, too.” she’d worry.
Ana wanted to shift this pattern of reacting badly. She needed practical solutions and support.
Last year, Ana found her way to a Coaching Circle with other mothers sharing similar stories.
Together the Circle was guided on an inward journey of self-awareness that helped them to understand what was provoking their reactions at the so-called “small stuff” on a deeper level. In fact, even after the first gathering, Ana already felt the hot head Mama inside of her losing her grip.
This transformative group coaching journey, coupled with personalized emotional intelligence and tools and techniques, equipped our amazing Ana to step into the authentic mother she always knew she was.
Sure, she was still passionate and emotions would flare. And sure, she’d lose it every once in a while (we’re all human after all!). But the pattern was broken.
She began to see spilt milk for spilt milk, a pink tardy slip as tolerable and dinner time tantrums (of which there were fewer) as part and parcel of the journey. Less explosions meant less exhaustion and better times.
And the most beautiful truth about this story is that Ana and her children are friends now. Not only is Ana feeling wholeheartedly good about being the Mom she is, but the quality connections with her kids are strong and they are learning how to manage their emotions, too.
Ana’s story here is presented as a Fairy Tale, but it is actually based on the combined experiences of many mothers who have participated in my Calm Mom Coaching Circles. Ana’s story is actually a true story!
If any part of Ana’s story rings true for you or reminds you of a close friend, please give the gift of this Circle.
Mothers are marvelous.
We love are kids but we are busy. Life is so full these days and while it’s become normal to feel overwhelmed and to doubt ourselves, we deserve (more than anyone!) to be supported and to learn the tools and techniques to helps us feel (and do) good as mothers.
We deserve this and so do our kids.
With love & gratitude,