So that’s a photo from my vision board last year. It is not me.
It is what I want to be…
That good baking Mom – the one who has fun throwing flour all over the place while she bakes with her child. Playful memories full of carefree laughter.
Well, sorry to say, but that particular image did not manifest itself last year. Nope.
- Arts and crafting
- Baking cookies
- Cooking together
- Kicking the soccer ball around
- Lego building
- Playing tag in the park
- Reading a book
- Sledding down the hill (with my bottom on the toboggan).
This is that list of stuff I feel like I should do with my kids. Isn’t this what memories are made of? And don’t I just suck if I don’t do it?
Yes, that’s the kind of self-talk that goes on inside my monkey mind a lot.
And when something goes wrong with one of my kids, I blame myself for not having done those good mom things enough. In fact the self-talk goes beyond not having done these things (because even I have done each and every one of those things at least, well, once)
For me it is about not doing all of it.
Every single day. (Not-enoughitis anyone?) And, worst of all, for not actually enjoying that stuff as much as I should.
This not-enoughitis and shoulditis business was so prevalent that I even went as far as to try manifest it through vision boarding!
Come on, Alex!! Let’s get real.
I mean, it’s taken nearly a decade to accept that I don’t really enjoy playing tag, that I’m not always in the mood to bake, that sometimes I’m too lazy to get out the arts and craft stuff (and then tidy up after!), And hey, I actually like to cook alone.
Why does it feel like I’m a bad Mom when I feel and think this way?
I’ll tell you why…
Because we’ve bought into this idea that doing these good mom things make us, well, good Moms. And for those of us who enjoy these things naturally, then hoorah!
This is so worth celebrating, but for those of us who grit our teeth when asked to build yet another lego castle…
I want to say I get it.
I want to say it’s ok.
We aren’t all like that…made of that material. In fact I’d go as far as arguing that it’s healthy for our children to have their own worlds and just as healthy for you to have yours.
Full of joy
Full of confidence
Full of love
Full of passion
I wonder if this were you, then the nexus where your worlds met would be defined by all these things. By joy, confidence, love, passion. Maybe not all of the time…But maybe more of the time.
So maybe it’s ok to say no. Maybe it’s ok for them to know that you don’t like everything they like. Maybe it’s ok for them to know that you don’t always feel like doing what they want.
Maybe it’s ok for them to know that you are not their entertainer.
Because more important than all of this…
Is that you be true to you.