The thing about motherhood is that you can’t step out of it.
- You can turn off your computer and your phone.
- You can leave your office or close that office door.
- You can even quit your job and never turn back.
But you can’t turn your kid off and you can’t quit motherhood. A lot of the time you can’t even hand the job off to anybody else. (Or, you don’t think you can, anyway).
So, here’s the thing…
I didn’t know any of this.
AND, I happen to be quite a free spirit.
I’m my husband’s nightmare…
I refuse to wear a watch.
I “unconsciously” leave my phone in weird places over the weekend, so that I can’t be reached.
I hate committing to a particular time.
So…when I adopted my first and then expected my second, I imagined my husband and I each popping the kids into one of those backpack baby carriers and keep on spontaneously living that free spirit life.
Who was I kidding?
There is no greater need than a young child’s need for their mother. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
You become needed – body, heart and soul.
You are their source of everything.
There is no escaping that and yes, the love bond is like nothing you’ve ever felt before.
But, OMGoddess, the feeling of entrapment and claustrophobia is also something you’ve never felt before either.
I mean, how many times have I wanted so much to leave the house by myself, hop on a plane to go visit a girlfriend, buy that expensive and frivolous sweater. All these things I used to be able to do pre-kid, and so desperately wanted to do post-kid, but couldn’t.
If the majority of the childbearing responsibility is on your shoulders, there are times that you not only can’t only leave the house, but times when you can’t even leave the room!!!
It is this sense of confinement that brings many of us down and I don’t mean down as in I’m-seriously-depressed down (no joke for many many mothers).
- I mean down as in living through a lower, heavier part of yourself.
- I mean distanced from the person we were when we could do what we wanted when we wanted.
- There may even be days when you forget who that person was.
Sure, there’s the physical grind and exhaustion and there’s the mental fog and fatigue.
And the emotional, well…what can I say? The emotional drain and pain! (This was the killer for me – needing to be emotionally attentive all the time…aaahhhhh!)There’s that sense of never being, doing or giving enough.Click To Tweet
That sense of “should have done…” guilt and regret. Worst of all is that feeling that you aren’t enjoying what you should be enjoying. You’re missing out!
And the kids see you’re not yourself. They see you’re unhappy. This is not who you want to be, you want to be lighter, more joyful, more fun.
This summer, I wrote about the value of retreating from life (you can read that blog right here) and now as we step into Fall, I want to remind you again of it’s value.
You are now into the back-to-school grind. Halloween is almost upon us. And then it will be the Winter holidays.
Time for you is up to you!!
I am inviting you to take a few moments of retreat to simply connect with yourSELF – that missing self who used to be, well…fun.
Take a moment to simply ask yourself:
- What relaxes me?
- What revitalizes me?
- What makes me laugh?
Take just one minute to reflect on what nourishes your mind, body and soul. Reflect on what will make you feel more like the mother you want your children to be looking up to.
Journal on it and then schedule that little something. That little re-TREAT… a walk, a bath, a yoga class, a doodle session, a coloring book moment, a visit to a coffee shop (alone)…
Because it is these moments, even when you are in the thick of it that will help you to reconnect with YOU. It is these moments that will help you to fill that tank that is, perhaps, running on empty.
To do this is NOT SELFISH.
To do this is the FUNDAMENTAL RESPONSIBILITY you have as a mother – a woman who wants to be her best self for her children.
So go on, Mom, be responsible.
Happy October lovely, Mama!
P.S. And if you are ready to take a real step off the motherhood hamster wheel, please join Pleasance Silicki (founder of lil omm yoga, co-founder of the National Kids Yoga Conference, and author of Delight: Eight Principles for Living with Joy and Ease) and myself during a free call for busy D.C area Moms keen on a few step-off-the-hamster-wheel tips. You can save your spot to join us for the free coaching call right here.