I’m that Mom that sends her kid off to soccer practice with indoor gear, when the game is outdoor.

I’m that Mom that takes her kid to the wrong venue, 30 minutes late.

I’m the one who hasn’t quite figured out what league team her aspiring soccer star is on.

And sadly, I’m the Mom who yells at her kids for being late when it was me last out the door!

 

I’ve given up on water bottles.

Homework is optional.

Clean sheets are luxury.

 

So standards are basic.

And yes, I get it wrong

All. The. Time.

 

And the cherry on the cake is that I’m the so-called “lead” parent.

I mean my husband doesn’t even know the kids teachers’ names.

(Now that’s bad!)

Managing a house, a business, the busy lives of three active kids, and our ever-fragile social lives is alot.

So many moving parts to wrap my head around.

Too few hands on deck.

 

And so things slip.

“Are you sure, Mom?” they ask.

They don’t always trust my muddled attempts at organizing life.

And when I get it wrong they are disappointed.

Sometimes downright mad.

 

It feels pretty shit a lot of the time.

Like you are just behind the game, barely keeping up.

Like you are a disappointment.

 

And on bad days…

It feels down right crap

Like I’m failing them

Like I should have done it different.

 

How do others do it?

What am I getting wrong?

 

Sigh.

 

The good news is that my kids have learned to be resourceful, self-sufficient and to fill in the blanks

(My mind blanks, that is).

The good news is that in doing so, they are learning to work as a team.

They are learning to deal with disappointment.

They are learning what mind-is-full-ness means, and that Mom sometimes needs help.

They are learning that I am not perfect

And that sometimes too much, is just that…too much.

 

The best news is that for all the mistakes, I usually remember the hugs, the kisses, the words of acknowledgement in between.

 

And, of course, I’m learning…

Learning to embrace the chaos.

Learning that imperfect is the new perfect.

Learning that they love me anyway.

Learning that those weeks I care for me and take time out, always always always run more smoothly.

 

As we wade into the new years’  new schedule, be kind to yourself Mama.

It is through self-love and solidarity that we will do this whole mothering thing in a way that keeps our hearts and schedules open for joy and connection.

 

imperfectbeauty

photo credit: Toni Verdú Carbó

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