Mr. 5 really belongs in Montessori.

If only I’d kept the office job…that would have paid for it…

Or maybe I should have home schooled him…

I know! We should have moved to Ottawa (where we could afford Montessori tuition)

 

Mr. 8 feels lost in this D.C. boy culture.

If only we’d stayed in the UK…

If only we’d moved to Ottawa…

If only I’d signed him up for Boy Scouts…he’d surely have felt a sense of belonging there.

 

Ms. 11 is a scatterbrain…she loses everything and is super disorganized.

If only I’d never taken that office job…

If only I’d been more there for her when the boys were little…she needed me to guide her more along the way.

She was thrown to the wolves when the boys came along.

 

If only…

 

If only…

 

SHUT UP!!

 

The thing is…

This unwanted acquaintance, If only… visits me regularly

Usually on days when my old friend Perspective isn’t around

If only… sneaks up on me when I’m worrying about something

He sneaks into my head

And takes a lead in my monkey mind world

Casting doubts into the decisions I’ve made…

 

Did I have the right number of kids? (as though that was planned, ha!)

Should we have moved to the UK when we did?

Should we have left the UK when we did?

Did I marry the right man?

Should I have left my office job?

Should I have started this coaching practice?

Should I this?

Should I that?

 

Doubts.

Nasty focus derailing

Energy zapping

Relationship threatening

Doubts

 

Oh dear Doubts

I hear you

Loud and clear

But you are not welcome here.

 

I know where you come from all too well

That land of fear

That country of regret

Where Ms. What if… and Dr. I should have… reside

 

Go back to that land

Because right now I am busy.

 

I am busy breathing in the now.

 

I am busy talking to my inner angel.

 

She is telling me to look around

To see all that is good

And to say thank you.

 

I listen.

I find gratitude.

She is so abundant.

She grows my heart.

She clears my mind.

And she takes up so much space

That there is no room for you anymore, dear old Doubt.

 

Clear out.

All is good.

Everything is a-ok.

 

Gratitude and joy have arrived.

They’ve saved the day.

Phew.

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